Something Not Depressing!
by Inuyoshie
Summary: It's an ordinary day in Las Noches when Orihime discovers that the Espada, Aizen and his cohorts have been reduced to children. Sounds like fun right? ...Actually, it's more like hell. Rated C for crack. AiXHime, TatsukiXSomone. Please review?
1. Chapter 1

Something Not Depressing

By Inuyoshie

"Woman, eat,"

Orihime sighed heavily. This again. The food was bland and disgusting tasting, but if she didn't eat it, Ulquiorra would shove it down her throat. The thought of that was… unpleasant.

"I'm not hungry," Orihime tried reasoning with him… but he was a heartless monster. They cannot be reasoned with.

"Woman, if you do not eat I will-"

"Force feed me or start up an IV," Orihime finished. "I know," In irritation, the once sunny girl took the plate of food and stared hopelessly at it. Ulquiorra swished out.

Orihime sighed again, now left all alone. She played idly with the ends of her dress, and then took a few bites of food.

After a few minutes of eating, she heard a scream. Curious, Orihime inched over by the door. Remembering Ulquiorra's strict warnings about leaving she stopped, but then opened the door. A female arrancar was running, carrying a huge teapot.

"What is it?" Orihime asked curiously. The woman just screamed again and took off.

Now Orihime was really curious. She walked shyly through the halls until she reached the end, where the woman had been coming from… Aizen's meeting room.

Apprehension gripped Orihime again, but she pushed it aside and pushed open the door. What she saw shocked her entirely.

All of the Espada were there, unconscious. Aizen, Gin and Tousen were unconscious too… only everybody was in the bodies of five year old children.

"They're so cute!" Orihime squealed, stepping in. A five year old Yami slept leaning on a five year old Aaroniero (who had Kaien's face on). Five year old Szayel's head was leaning back and his mouth was slightly open, while five year old Zommari had his head in his lap. Grimmjow and Nnoitera were passed out on the floor, Nnoitera's impressively large zanpaktou now reduced to a smaller counterpart. Ulquiorra looked especially adorable as a five year old, curled up in his chair. Halibel looked odd without her enormous cleavage, but she still looked cute. Barrangan was the only one who looked strange… he still retained his elderly appearance, only his size was smaller. Stark snored on on the table. Gin and Tousen were sleeping leaning on each other's backs, and Aizen… he was slumped limply across his chair. Orihime walked over by him, staring at the formidable lord of Las Noches with awe, and then jumped back a little when he began to stir.

"Oh boy,"

"Ah!" Orihime jumped back and started at a short, green haired arrancar with a one horned mask and wide pink eyes. "Um… what happened?"

"Dunno. Ask Aizen-sama," the arrancar shrugged. Orihime turned around and stared at a five year old Aizen. Aizen blinked back, his chocolate eyes now wide and innocent looking.

"Hm… I want my tea," he announced.

"You scared the tea lady," the arrancar pointed out.

"I want my tea!" Aizen repeated loudly. Everybody else started waking up.

"Huh?"

"What the?"

"You're spooning me!"

"Hey! Quit making fun of my clothes you douche! Besides, I look handsome!"

"Trash…"

"…"

"Asshole!"

"Ah…" Orihime trailed off as Nnoitera and Grimmjow got into a fistfight. She frowned and walked in between them, separating them.

"Lemme at him lemme at him!" Grimmjow growled angrily.

"Fucking woman let me go!" Nnoitera screamed.

"Please stop fighting," Orihime told them gently.

"I'm hungry!" Yami whined.

"Be quiet you big oaf," Szayel hissed. Orihime frowned. Soon pandemonium rose in the room.

"Um…" Orihime trailed off.

"OKAY EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" The green haired girl shouted. There was a silence in the room.

"Er… thank you…?" Orihime asked.

"No problem!" the girl grinned, thrusting out her hand for Orihime to shake. "I'm Lilinette, the lazyass bastard's fracción," Orihime shook Lilinette's hand, blinking.

"Er… do you know what caused this?" she asked.

"No clue," Lilinette replied. "I'd have you ask Szayel but…" Lilinette glanced at Szayel, who was glaring at Yami. "I don't think he can even reach his work benches anymore,"

"So we have to find another scientist to help fix them," Orihime murmured.

"Looks like it!" Lilinette grinned. Orihime paled.

"Not good…" she moaned.

Aizen was getting irritated. He stood up, and his spiritual pressure crushed all of the other Espada to the ground. It didn't affect Orihime as much as usual though.

"I want my tea!" he roared.

"They're not acting like themselves either," Orihime murmured.

"Nope," Lilinette shook her head. "We'd better fix them soon… or at this rate they'll destroy Las Noches… hey, you good with kids?"

"Yeah," Orihime nodded. "My landlady had two little boys, and to lessen my rent I took care of them after school,"

"Great!" Lilinette grinned. "You can take care of the Espada then! Well… Stark won't need much taking care of, but the others…" Orihime nodded, squaring her jaw.

"Could you… get Aizen-sama some tea though?" she asked Lilinette shyly.

"Yeah, no problem. IN the mean time… do you know any other crazy scientists that could fix this?" Lilinette asked, giving some lesser arrancar an order.

"Yeah… but he's… well…" Orihime muttered. "He's not exactly too friendly with Aizen…"

"A shinigami?" Lilinette asked.

"Ex-shinigami," Orihime nodded. "Maybe if I talk to him though…"

"Okay… we're gonna have to get everybody to the human world though," Lilinette muttered. Orihime glanced at the five year olds running around and smiled.

"Okay everybody!" she announced. All of the five year olds turned to stare at Orihime. "We're going on a field trip!"

"A field trip?" Grimmjow asked.

"Yes," Orihime nodded cheerily.

"Wow!" Yami grinned. "I've never been on one of those!"

"Ooh! Sounds like fun!" Gin grinned.

"What about Aizen-sama-"Ulquiorra muttered.

"Who cares about Aizen?" Nnoitera cut Ulquiorra off.

"I do!" Aizen remarked, holding a huge mug of tea. "And I say…"

"You sure it's a good idea to keep Aizen-sama in charge?" Lilinette remarked. "I mean… he now has the mental capacity of a five year old,"

"Yeah, but…" Orihime looked uncertain.

"Okay everybody! Orihime here is in charge!" Lilinette announced.

"What?" Nnoitera howled. "Why should I listen to a woman?"

"Because if you don't I'll blow your stupid head off," Lilinette replied, powering up a cero.

"Lilinette-san-"

"I _really_ don't like kids," Lilinette scowled. Orihime sighed.

"Okay everybody, come here," she said gently. The Espada glanced nervously from scary Lilinette to not so scary Orihime and soon she was surrounded by a crowd of thirteen five year olds.

"Okay, we're all going to the human world," Orihime explained. "You all need to stay together, and listen to Lilinette-san and I. Also, do not kill each other or anyone else,"

"Awww!" Grimmjow and Nnoitera whined.

"But…" Orihime brightened up. "We're going to have fun!"

"Or else…" Lilinette added menacingly. She opened a garganta and they went.

Inuyoshie's after the chapter special~

Yo! So this is a strange one… I'ma gonna make it AiXHime because I lurve that pairing. However, due to its nature, most AiXHime fanfics are pretty depressing, hence this one which is less depressing and more cute and fucking adorable! It's as cute as a bundle of kittens! And then some.

So indeed, I hope you enjoyed this one~ it actually has a plot behind it by the way, I feel like I should mention that.


	2. Chapter 2

Something Not Depressing

"My feet hurt!"

"I'm tired as hell…"

"How come Stark gets to curse?"

Lilinette ground her teeth. Orihime smiled at the cloud of small children as they walked. Unfortunately… they were on the wrong end of Karakura town.

"I think we should get them to my house," Orihime told Lilinette. "It's only a few blocks away,"

"Okay," Lilinette nodded. Orihime chewed her lip.

"I just hope Rangiku and Toshiro are out…" she mumbled. Orihime felt something tug at her skirt and looked down. Aizen stood, looking at her.

"Pick me up," he ordered in the cutest voice. Orihime started at him with his wide mahogany eyes and couldn't hold back a squeal.

"You're so cuuuute!" she squealed, picking the god-like man (child?) and smothering him in her cleavage.

"Aizen you lucky bastard!" Nnoitera and Grimmjow hissed.

"NO CUSSING!" Lilinette shouted. Orihime put the choking leader on her shoulders and continued to walk.

"How come he gets to be on Orihime?" Barrangan whined.

"Yeah!" Szayel complained.

"Because he asked," Ulquiorra replied. Aizen smugly looked down at them and scanned the city.

"Hey… ORIHIME!" a voice shouted from behind the group. Orihime turned to see Tatsuki running down the street. "There you are where have you been?"

"Eh well…"

"You had me worried to death!" Tatsuki shouted, hugging Orihime. Aizen scowled at Tatsuki. "And… why do you have so many kids with you?"

"Eh… you can see them?" Orihime asked. Tatsuki frowned.

"Oh… that's right! Ichigo knows where you've been but he's been a horse's ass and not told anybody and running off wearing funky samurai gear-"

"Oh well that's just silly!" Orihime cut her friend off. "Well, I gotta go-"

"Oh no you don't!" Tatsuki shouted. "You aren't' going anywhere… at least not without me," Orihime frowned.

"Well… I don't want to get you involved-"

"Dammit Orihime you're worse than Ichigo! I'm your friend!" she growled angrily. "Where have you been, why do you have so many kids with you and…is that a hole in his stomach?"

"Um… I'll explain if you help me take care of them…" Orihime mumbled, feeling her resolve crumble. "Everybody, this is Tatsuki,"

"Hm,"

"What the hell?"

"Whatever,"

"Trash,"

"Hey! You two are those guys from before who tried to kill me!" Tatsuki said suddenly, pointing at Ulquiorra and Yami.

"Er, yes well I need to get to my apartment," Orihime sighed.

"And take care of twelve- no- thirteen kids? Plus some other girl," Tatsuki demanded.

"Excuse me!" Lilinette grumbled. "I'm not some girl-"

"Lilinette-san is helping me out," Orihime explained.

"She needs more clothes," Tatsuki muttered.

"Hey I don't go ripping on your clothes bitch!" Lilinette growled.

"Lilinette-san please," Orihime begged. "Let's not fight…" Lilinette frowned at Tatsuki, who frowned back. Finally they both relented.

"Come on, let's get these kids to your house," Tatsuki muttered, scooping up Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. Lilinette slung a sleeping Stark over her shoulder and they proceeded.

The large group of ex-shinigami, arrancar and humans proceeded throughout the city.

"Why aren't shinigami coming after us?" Lilinette asked suddenly.

"You mean… those weird people from your apartment? They disappeared for a bit," Tatsuki replied. "I happened to be over by your house when I saw them leaving,"

"Oh," Orihime smiled with relief. "Good,"

"Why? I thought they were your friends… you're acting like you don't want to see them," Tatsuki remarked.

"That's because she doesn't," Lilinette replied. "Are we almost there? My feet hurt,"

Tatsuki rolled her eyes.

"The others are too," Orihime pointed out, indicating the other arrancar. They all looked incredibly tired, so tired that they weren't even fighting with each other anymore.

"My apartment's right here," Orihime announced, pointing to a soft cream building. The whole menagerie trooped up the stairs and Orihime carefully stepped into her home.

It looked much the same as she had left it. Apparently Toshiro and Rangiku followed her instructions. Orihime smiled at this thought.

"I'm hungry!" Yami whined.

"Yeah, me too," Nnoitera added. Soon everyone began complaining, and Orihime grinned.

"Okay! I'll make one of my favourites- peanut butter honey and wasabi sandwiches!" she exclaimed.

"…"

"I'll go make the food," Tatsuki suggested nervously. "How about you rest?"

"Okay," Orihime nodded, sitting down. Aizen remained on her shoulders, idly playing with her hair clips.

The other Espada entertained themselves by running around Orihime's apartment, finding a teddy bear she once had and fighting over it. Lilinette watched them with a snicker, with Stark leaning on her arm and using her as a pillow. Tatsuki stepped back in with a large plateful of sandwiches which were devoured almost instantly by the ravenous children. Orihime giggled as she watched Nnoitera and Grimmjow fight over the last sandwich. When they were not looking, Stark lazily stood up and snagged it. Lilinette giggled at this as well.

"So," Tatsuki started, sitting down next to Orihime as the little ones amused themselves. "Where have you been?"

"Uh… not around here?" Orihime replied ditzily. Tatsuki sighed heavily.

"I know that but… arg, you're not going to give me a straight answer anymore than Ichigo will, huh," she grumbled. Orihime sighed and stared at her lap.

"I wish I could," she whispered. "I desperately wish I could tell you, but you'd get hurt,"

"Let them bring it! I can take it," Tatsuki grinned. "I'm second best in the nation-"

"I know," Orihime cut Tatsuki off. "It's just…"

"It's why you keep coming to school all injured, isn't it? This stuff you and Ichigo and Sado and Ishida are going off to do… it's really dangerous," Tatsuki sighed.

"Yeah," Orihime nodded. "It is."

"Then why not let me help?" Tatsuki demanded.

"Because," Lilinette drawled lazily. "You see these little kids? These little kids are the enemy. You may think they're cute now, but wait until they return to their natural forms. The guy with the spoon hood thing, Nnoitera? He could kill you in one blow. All of those punches and kicks you could give would maybe tickle him,"

Tatsuki stared at Lilinette, and then at the adorable five year old Nnoitera hugging the teddy bear possessively. Then she saw the wicked double bladed scythe thingi on his back and frowned.

"Oh." She said quietly. "So if they're the bad guys, why are you helping them?"

"Well I…" Orihime had a lost expression on her face. Tatsuki blinked, and then understood.

"It's because you're you, isn't it? You can't stand to see anyone defenseless, even people who would kill you at any second," she sighed.

"…Yeah…" Orihime admitted. Tatsuki sighed and whacked Orihime upside the head.

"That's why you need me you idiot! To make sure you don't get yourself killed doing this kind of sh-er… stuff." Tatsuki muttered. Orihime smiled and hugged Tatsuki.

"Thanks," she smiled… and then toppled over, out.

"Oh dear," Tatsuki sighed. Lilinette stared.

"She just passed out! I mean, Stark does it all the time but I swear he has narcolepsy," Lilinette remarked.

"She's exhausted. You ever tried to take care of thirteen kids at once?" Tatsuki demanded.

"Valid point," Lilinette nodded, growling at Yami and Nnoitera, who looked like they were about to fight. "Behave or I'll give you a spanking!"

"A-"

Lilinette took off one of her sandals and advanced on Yami, her eye flashing. Yami backed into a corner, trembling.

"Ulquiorra! Save me!" he whined. Ulquiorra rolled his eyes.

"Trash," he remarked, waddling over to Orihime and sitting down next to her. "You're my prisoner. I will watch you."

"Nu uh! I wanna watch the prisoner!" Grimmjow growled, running over and also sitting by Orihime. Soon, Nnoitera and Halibel had joined. Aizen walked over the lot of them and settled in the small of Orihime's back, falling asleep. Orihime twitched slightly, but slept on.

Eventually the others settled, generally around Orihime. Ulquiorra slept sitting up, leaning on Orihime's side while Grimmjow curled around her legs. Nnoitera sat on Orihime's other side and Halibel next to him, both out. Barrangan snoozed on the forgotten teddy bear, and Stark found a pillow and slept on it. Szayel was nowhere to be found. Gin and Tousen snoozed leaning on a wall, and Tatsuki watched the lot with a sense of odd contentment.

"Bad guys, huh," she remarked pensively, smiling at Ulquiorra especially. He was kinda cute, in an emo kinda way.

Tatsuki was jarred from her thoughts by a knock on the door.

BREAK LINE GOES HERE

Inuyoshie's after the chapter special!

Okay, so back by popular demand is Something Not Depressing~

Yes. A lot of you lot liked it. That makes me feel special.

I included Tatsuki. Why? Because I like Tatsuki. She's one of those kick ass mundane people that hangs around Ichigo and has great potential to become a bad ass not mundane person. Here be her chance in this story.

Halibel Harribel. Why? Because Halibel sounds like Halley Berry and Harribel sounds like horrible. So ha.

So. Enjoy? Review please. You know where the button is. It compels you. LISTEN TO DA BUTTON MINIONS! LISTEN TO IT!

Yup. Watching WAY too much Invader Zim. It's unhealthy for you. Maybe. Possibly.


	3. Chapter 3

Something Not Depressing for once!

Rangiku stared at the scene in front of her.

Orihime was asleep in the middle of the living room, surrounded by children. After a second glance, Rangiku recognized a five year old Gin sleeping cutely. She paled.

Toshiro had a different reaction that involved popping out of his gigai and drawing his zanpaktou.

"Captain!" Rangiku hissed.

"What? We have our enemy in front of us, sleeping!" Toshiro growled.

"Hey! Shush, or you'll wake them!" Tatsuki hissed, stalking over to the short little captain. He glared at Tatsuki coldly, and Tatsuki glared right back at him. Her confidence was boosted by Lilinette's glare as well.

"What is going on here?" he demanded in an authorative tone.

"Yes-"

"Rangiku, go contact Head Captain Yamamoto," Toshiro ordered his lieutenant in a low tone. Rangiku nodded and ran into the other room with the creepy looking TV. Tatsuki stared after her and then stared down at Toshiro. "Well? What is going on?"

"They just showed up," Tatsuki replied. Toshiro rolled his eyes in an obvious 'stupid human' gesture and turned to Lilinette.

"Oh no, you ain' getting shit out of me!" Lilinette growled.

"Wanna-" Toshiro was cut off by an explosion from the kitchen. Tatsuki and Lilinette turned to the kitchen, and Lilinette ran over to see what was going on. Tatsuki then glanced around, counting the children.

"We're missing one," she muttered. "That creepy pink haired one…"

Toshiro sighed and stared at Orihime, fast asleep under a mountain of evil five year olds. With Aizen on top of her. That… bothered him. It was just a little chafing in his chest, something that made him seriously want to bash that little evil head into a wall. Aizen's, not Orihime's.

Lilinette came back with a pink haired five year old slung over her shoulder.

"I really hope you didn't need that one box thing-"

"Microwave," Szayel corrected.

"Whatever. All I know is that he tried to make some kind of death ray out of it-"

"Freeze ray! It stops time," Szayel corrected, again. Lilinette was getting pissed off, as anyone would be when being corrected repeatedly by a five year old.

"Whatever," she grumbled, plopping the kid down near Orihime. "Take a nap,"

"Not tired," Szayel replied calmly.

"Yes you are!" Lilinette growled.

"No… I'm not," Szayel replied.

"Why you snotty little brat…" Lilinette growled, powering up a cero.

"Hey hey, can we not blow up the house!" Tatsuki remarked. Lilinette shot her a glare.

"Well it's obvious neither of you two know how to deal with children-" Toshiro remarked in a slightly superior tone.

"You'd know shrimp," Lilinette snorted.

"Oh please. I've heard that one thousands of times," Toshiro rolled his eyes at Lilinette's fail of an insult.

"Whatever kid. Talk to me when you hit puberty," Lilinette retorted.

"You're one to talk! You're flat as a board!" Toshiro snapped back, getting pissed off.

"Why you Shinigami bastard-"

"Um… Taichou…" Rangiku remarked, watching the two fight. Tatsuki glanced over Rangiku's shoulder at the huge TV thing and sighed.

"Yo short guy! Some old guy's on the monster TV!" she snapped at him. Some of the children were starting to stir, boosting Tatsuki's aggravation. Toshiro sighed and stepped into the room with Rangiku, closing the door partially behind him.

"…That can't be good," Lilinette muttered.

"What do you mean?" Tatsuki blinked.

"They hate us. They're going to kill us," Lilinette replied, her tone morose. Tatsuki stared.

"But… they're kids," she protested. Lilinette rolled her eyes and glared at Szayel who was trying to sneak back into the kitchen. Tatsuki sighed and sat down.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door…

"… And they're all children!" Toshiro finished.

"Hmm…" Yamamoto murmured, frowning. "Even Aizen?"

"Yeah. They're all here, in one place," Toshiro announced. Rangiku nodded a worried look on her normally jovial face.

"We can't just kill them all," she remarked quietly.

"Why not?" Toshiro demanded. "I'll bet we could take our zanpaktou to them and they'd be-"

"What about Orihime?" Rangiku wanted to know.

"She's a traitor," Yamamoto reminded them. Rangiku made a face at that. "However, this is Aizen we're dealing with. Even as a small child, he's dangerous,"

"Yes…" Toshiro nodded a dark look on his face. "WE should call in some of the others-"

"I'm dispatching an execution squad," Yamamoto replied. "Lock the doors; make sure no one gets out. The house is going to be cleansed,"

"Apartment," Rangiku muttered. "There's another human there too…"

"Wipe her memory," Yamamoto replied. He then frowned even more, looking over Toshiro's (small) shoulder at the young teenager peering into the room casually. She had this look of shock and disgust on her face as she stood. "Stop her!"

Rangiku turned as Tatsuki ran into the living room.

"Wait!" she hissed. Tatsuki turned, her eyes blazing.

"Why?" she demanded, her voice saturated with rage. "You're just… disgusting! How can you do this?"

"You don't understand, these things are monsters-"

"And so is Orihime?" Tatsuki demanded of Toshiro. He frowned slightly and shook his head.

"Orders are orders," he muttered. "The squad will be coming in a matter of minutes."

"Fuck your orders," Tatsuki growled. "EVERYBODY WAKE UP!"

Toshiro froze as all of the Espada began waking up. Orihime glanced up sleepily.

"Eh… oh, hi Hitsugaya-san! Rangiku!" she greeted her shinigami friends brightly. Tatsuki shot Toshiro another withering, disgusted look then turned to Orihime.

"They're calling in an execution squad to kill you all," she said harshly. "You need to get everybody out of here,"

"IT's pointless," Toshiro muttered. "Where would you all go?"

Orihime stared in disbelief at Toshiro, a captain whom she would trust completely. Execution squad? Everybody? She understood that Aizen and his army were dangerous but, did they have to kill them now? Couldn't they just imprison them or something? And now they were all going to die… Orihime sat up, looking down. Aizen stood next to Orihime, watching her with a calculated glance. Orihime looked around at all the kids, seeing them as children, not enemies.

I have to save them.

Who can save us?

…

And then it came to Orihime, like a smack of a teapot across the head.

Who can save us?

Ichigo can.

Insert break here

Inuyoshie's after the chapter session

Yo Yo Yo!

So happy Valentine's Day y'all! I bestow upon y'all some AiHime! Okay, not a lot of romance and more action, but yeah.

When you're stuck in a bind, who do you call? Ichigo Kurosaki bitches! He always breaks the rules!

Oh yus.

So, review please?


End file.
